Understanding the Ego

Sigmund Freud's structural model for the psyche has continued to inspire ideas about how the mind works for generations. He defined ego (the latin word for 'I') as the mediator between our impulsive id and the super-ego (representing the ideals and rules imposed upon us in society).

The ego is also referenced quite a bit in eastern philosophy, such as in Buddhism. Of course the Buddha wouldn't have used a latin word... but he did reference a concept of self that can be translated to "ego". It is strange to think how the meaning of "ego" seems to change from Freud's "mediator" definition to a more general idea of "self" when discussed by buddhists and other eastern philosophers.

The "self" and the "ego" becomes the very concept of self-consciousness. The one who says "I am".

Often people interpret these teachings of ego as being negative, leading to the derogatory name of "egotistical" as relating to having an inflated sense of self. I agree, it can be detrimental to have a sense of self that is disproportionately large when compared to your sense of others - yet another reason to practice self-awareness. But ego is not intrinsically good or bad, in fact it is even possible to break it down to a point where you're not sure it exists at all...

Buddhism teaches us to release the concept of self as being an illusion:

"What we call a 'being', or an 'individual' or 'I', according to Buddhist philosophy, is only a combination of ever-changing physical and mental forces or energies, which can be divided into five groups or aggregates."

- What the Buddha Taught by Walpola Rahula, p. 20

The Buddha explained that all of being is divided up into 5 aggregates: Matter, Senses, Perceptions, Mental Formations and Consciousness. Despite my love of buddhist teachings, I will leave the discussion of the 5 aggregates to future posts.

What I want to do instead is provide for you some metaphors that might help you perceive your own ego through meditation.

Meditations to Perceive the Ego

Find a place to sit quietly. Take a few deep breaths, then picture one of the following metaphors and how it relates to you.

1. The River

Picture a moving river. What is that river made of? The river bed is made of mud and rocks and sand, forever being pushed along by the flow of water. The sides of the river are being eroded and taken away until it eventually reaches the ocean. The water is passing through, leaving as quickly as it arrives. There is no part of the river that remains constant.

Similarly, picture the physical parts of yourself... what remains constant? The cells in your body are being replaced, you are taking in matter from your environment and pushing it out. Bits of you are being left wherever you go. Memories are coming and going, some getting caught and others fading as soon as they are made. You are the ever-changing river.

2. The Infant/Toddler

If focusing on your breath for longer than a minute is a challenge for you, it is possibly because you have convinced yourself that you already know all there is to know about breathing.

Picture an infant who is fascinated with an object, like a set of keys, or a buckle. Note the intensity of their focus as they explore every part of the object, how it moves, how it sounds, how it tastes and how it works. What happens when the object of their fascination is removed? There is anger and frustration. It is natural, they wanted to continue exploring. But they will be just as obsessed should a new object distract them from the old one.

This is what it feels like to tear your attention away from your wandering thoughts during meditation. Return to the breath. Keep breathing. Note the thoughts as they come and go but always return the attention to the breath. Should you feel the frustration of your toddler-like mind at having to give up a train of thought, then be gentle. Cradle your mind in your arms and soothe its frustration as you would an infant.

"It's ok, mind, we can think about it later."

3. Lightning and Thunder

Every flash of lightning has its thunder. One cannot exist without the other. Lightning tears through the air and causes the air molecules to expand rapidly, releasing a sonic shock that we hear and call Thunder.

Similarly, every thought has its emotion. A thought cannot exist without flashing through our consciousness, it sends out impulses that we perceive as emotion. Some emotions are quick and sudden, following the thought closely. Some are a little further away and take longer to reach us. The emotions can layer on top of each other to the point where we no longer know which thought caused which emotion.

Disconnection from that emotion (ignoring it) does not stop it from happening, but it can dampen it. It can also create stronger, more powerful and more complex emotions.

It's possible to ease the passage of these thoughts and emotions by remaining aware of their occurrence and finding a safe path for them to manifest. Like slowing an exhale down to a trickle. Feeling out the pain and/or pleasure of the emotion to its full extent and then releasing it to become empty. Then take another breath, as deep as you want.

I wish you luck in your meditations and journeys of self-discovery. Please, feel free to share your own beliefs of the ego as well as any metaphors you might have to help perceive it.

Take Care,